The Conservative Bachelor: Republicans vie to become Trump’s VP (Satire)

Who will emerge to become Trump's companion for the next 4+ years?

Who will emerge to become Trump’s companion for the next 4+ years?

Fox News is planning on converting future debates into a competition to select a vice president for Donald Trump in what is now being called the Conservative Bachelor.

“I entered this race single and I plan on leaving it with a Vice President,” Trump recently stated.  But will he find his match on this side of the aisle?  Candidates vying for the job include:

Ted Cruz

Occupation: Professional filibuster.

Why he’s here: “When I walk into a room I want people to hate more than just me.”

Jeb Bush

Occupation: Associate at Family Political Dynasty Incorporated.

Why he’s here: “I think my low-energy really complements the Donald’s high energy.”

Marco Rubio

Occupation: Occasional voter at the U.S. Senate

Why he’s here: Mid-life crisis.

Although she has not entered the race yet, many candidates worry that Sarah Palin and her large ego will swoop in to claim the prize, as her bumbling rhetoric, extremist positions, and ability to be out of touch with reality make her the perfect match.

In a series of interviews to narrow down the competition, in response to: “If you had to store buried treasure anywhere, where would you choose?” Marco Rubio adroitly replied: “The Cayman Islands.”  Furthermore, Rand Paul revealed that his idea of a perfect day includes a romantic visit to the National Archives to gaze upon the Constitution.  Meanwhile, Ben Carson confessed that his most embarrassing date involved him falling asleep mid-conversation and then waking up only to rattle off a few historical inaccuracies.

The candidates will first meet their bachelor in Iowa, before traveling across all 50 states in an effort to win recognition.

Meanwhile, across the aisle, Hillary Clinton is worried that her relatives won’t accept a democratic socialist into their family.

 

”Sources”

By Michael Vadon – https://www.flickr.com/photos/80038275@N00/20724666936/, CC BY-SA 2.0, $3

By Source (WP:NFCC#4), Fair use, $3

 

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