Archive for 2015

Campaign slogans evoke the simple advertising of companies and food chains.  In this example, who are we voting for?  Bernie Sanders or Colonel Sanders?

What are you buying this election season?

With exception to good old Uncle Bernie, current American politicians aren’t shy about their love of capitalism.  But we’ve reached a point where we voters are being treated as consumers, with the candidates projecting themselves as some life-saving product, equipped with catch phrases and satisfaction guarantees.  And we play the […]

by · December 28, 2015 · Features and Opinion, United States
Polar bears can only outrun climate change for so long, making it imperative that we allow them to enter the U.S.

Republicans Bar Polar Bears Fleeing Climate Change from Entering U.S. (Satire)

In a distressingly polarphobic move, Republican candidates and conservatives in Congress have called on the U.S. to restrict the immigration of polar bears, which have lost their homes due to melting ice. To justify this, Senator Ted Cruz explains, “The liberal media wants you to think that rising temperatures are […]

by · December 9, 2015 · Features and Opinion
Syrian refugees are looking for hope, but they may not find it in the U.S. if our politicians continue to block their passage.

Turning Our Backs on American Values and Succumbing to Fear

We all know the story.  Bashar al-Assad’s atrocities in Syria have created a power vacuum in the Middle East, one filled by the ruthless tendencies of ISIS, prompting more than four million people to flee in search of a better, and safer, future.  This is what spurred President Obama to […]

If Carson became president, who would be making the decisions?  Him or Siri?

Siri Revealed to be Ben Carson’s Top Foreign Policy Advisor (Satire)

In the nail-biting last minutes of prep time before the debate, while Donald Trump was smoothing his toupee, Chris Christie was stuck in traffic because some politician shut down a bridge, and Jeb Bush was busy brainstorming more awkward one-liners, Ben Carson was fervently pleading with his phone. “Why is […]

by · November 22, 2015 · Features and Opinion
The Canadian Election and its Impact on the U.S.

The Canadian Election and its Impact on the U.S.

Most Bellarmine students, and Americans for that matter, see Canada as the land of maple syrup, hockey, and incredibly nice people. These stereotypes may be reasonably accurate, as Canada produces approximately 80% of the world’s maple syrup, and that during the 2010 Winter Olympics gold medal hockey match of Canada […]

by · November 19, 2015 · World
Denmark's wall in the initial phase.

Denmark Builds Border Wall of Their Own-Out of Legos (Satire)

  Copenhagen- The land of the Vikings and tasty pastries is now also home to the largest Lego structure ever-a 50-foot high, 68 km border wall. Danish Prime Minister Lars Løkke Rasmussen explained this move by stating, “We saw what Hungary was doing with their border fence and we said […]

by · October 17, 2015 · Features and Opinion
While many refugees have fled to Europe, many more remain in massive refugee camps in the Middle East.

Where Will the Refugees Go?

We’ve all been duped.  We aren’t humans after all; we’re amphibians, frogs to be exact.   And we’ve been sitting in boiling water for too long and now we have to face the consequences.  Over four years ago, the Syrian Civil War broke out, bringing instability to an already precarious region.  […]

by · September 20, 2015 · Features and Opinion, World
Rand Paul at work: filibustering or wasting our time?

Paltry Politics: The Age of Big Money and Little Action

In a survey conducted in February 2014, only 24% of Americans said that they trust the government in Washington always or most of the time, a shocking statistic but not altogether a recent phenomenon.  While fiascos such as the Teapot Dome Scandal rocked the 1920s and 1972’s Watergate represented one […]

Behind the wrappers of our chocolate bars lies an ugly truth: child slavery remains a pressing problem.

Silence of the Lambs

Who doesn’t have fond memories of their childhood?  Remember the age of spelling workbooks, trips to Disneyland, and cooties?  While American kids take these years of innocence for granted, Agnes was brutally robbed of her childhood at the age of ten when Joseph Kony’s Lord’s Resistance Army snatched her from her […]

by · July 30, 2015 · Features and Opinion, World
Appalachia is home to great natural beauty, but also devastating resource exploitation.

Paradise Lost

Juxtaposed with lush, green forests and towering mountains lie gas wells, fracking drills, and dilapidated houses and motor homes.  It’s always been this way though, as Appalachia’s natural beauty and abundant resources have not materialized into wealth for most of its residents.  In fact, Appalachia’s poverty rate stands at 16.6 […]