Articles by: Alec Vandenberg

Sanders and Clinton marry to unite Democratic Party (Satire)

Sanders and Clinton marry to unite Democratic Party (Satire)

  Concerned over a lack of party unity, Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton have decided to tie the knot to prepare for the general election. “In the beginning I thought this country needed a political revolution,” Sanders explained.  “But now I realized it needed a political marriage.” While the two […]

by · May 13, 2016 · Features and Opinion
Obama: second term president or second semester senior? (Satire)

Obama: second term president or second semester senior? (Satire)

With Obama’s term wrapping up, he looks to take his foot off of the pedal. In an off the record interview, Obama admitted that he ran for president just to spice up his New World Order application. “The New World Order is the Ivy of secret societies you know,” he […]

by · April 23, 2016 · Features and Opinion
What will Clinton not do for votes?

Clinton endorses Sanders in an effort to improve favorability rating (Satire)

  Desperate to boost plummeting favorability numbers, Hillary Clinton decided to “feel the bern” by endorsing Bernie Sanders. “I am hip and in tune with the desires of the American people,” Clinton said in her very best most authentic voice. However, many are critical of this new position, citing it as another […]

by · March 28, 2016 · Features and Opinion
Trump University to Become Reeducation Camp (Satire)

Trump University to Become Reeducation Camp (Satire)

In an off the record interview, Donald Trump admitted that Trump University will be converted to a full time reeducation camp pending his election. “America will soon be saturated with worthless diplomas and a toupee-touting army furbished with Trumpian absurdity, insults, and tiny hands,” complained a distressed Marco Rubio. Courses […]

by · March 13, 2016 · Features and Opinion
Rubio campaign washes up in de Nile (Satire)

Rubio campaign washes up in de Nile (Satire)

  After disappearing this past Saturday at the polls, Marco Rubio was found by American tourists wading out of the De Nile River in Egypt. According to reports, as he aimlessly wandered off, Mr. Rubio frantically muttered to himself, “Obama knows exactly what he’s doing.  I know what I’m doing.  […]

by · March 6, 2016 · Features and Opinion
Chris Christie seeks penance after selling soul to Trump (Satire)

Chris Christie seeks penance after selling soul to Trump (Satire)

In a desperate gamble for power and fame, in the aftermath of a failed presidential campaign, Chris Christie partook in a Faustian gamble, agreeing to sell his soul to Donald Trump in exchange for a position in the Trump administration. Christie recounts that Trump told him, “I’m so good at […]

by · February 27, 2016 · Features and Opinion
Who will win: Democratic-socialist or establishment?

The Great Debate: The Cases for Sanders and Clinton

British Prime Minister Winston Churchill once said, “Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all the others.” Likewise, in today’s election cycle, Hillary is the worst presidential candidate, except for all the others. So, with reluctance, I plan on casting my ballot in favor of electing another Clinton. […]

Who will emerge to become Trump's companion for the next 4+ years?

The Conservative Bachelor: Republicans vie to become Trump’s VP (Satire)

Fox News is planning on converting future debates into a competition to select a vice president for Donald Trump in what is now being called the Conservative Bachelor. “I entered this race single and I plan on leaving it with a Vice President,” Trump recently stated.  But will he find […]

by · January 30, 2016 · Uncategorized
Democratic Debates Remind Martin O’Malley of Third-Wheeling in Middle School (Satire)

Democratic Debates Remind Martin O’Malley of Third-Wheeling in Middle School (Satire)

A tearful Martin O’Malley exited the debate stage claiming that he just “wanted to fit in with the senior citizens for once.” “Bernie and Hillary only had eyes for each other.  During the commercial break I had no one to talk to,” he lamented. Adding fuel to the fire of […]

by · January 17, 2016 · Features and Opinion
Ronald Reagan Leads Latest GOP Poll (satire)

Ronald Reagan Leads Latest GOP Poll (satire)

Data just released by CompletelyValidPolls.com has revealed that Ronald Reagan has seized the lead in the latest GOP poll, with a ten-point margin over the next candidate Donald Trump. According to the same source, the number one Republican voter concern was: “How to deal with living in the past.” Perhaps […]

by · January 13, 2016 · Features and Opinion